Small talk is confounding： it's obligatory but must be casual. It's a frivolous interaction that may or may not be the initial part of a chain reaction that leads to deeper relationships. Too shallow and the reaction is never sparked. Too deep and the conversation is damned as awkward and inappropriate. But where is the line between small talk and genuine conversation？

When living abroad， your ability at small talk needs to be rebuilt from scratch，along with your knowledge of which topics and comments qualify as casual or intimate. It's not called an art for nothing.

For instance， in the U.S.， directly asking a new acquaintance how much they paid for something is akin to a needle scratch （unless you preface the statement with an apology and the excuse that you're shopping around for the same item）. In the Republic of Ireland， the U.K. and Japan，it's doubtful that even that qualifier would be enough to stymie the awkwardness. But in China， Singapore and other Southeast Asian countries with large Chinese descendant populations， money isn't tinged with the same shyness. A casual conversation on which neighborhood you live in can readily lead to the question of how much rent you pay. It's a question I still stumble to answer graciously.

On the other hand， while politics is considered a potentially treacherous topic in the U.S.， discussions and even criticisms of the government's actions aren't nearly as uncomfortable as they are for Singaporeans or the Chinese. As far as I can tell though， no matter where you are in the world， sex remains squarely in the taboo category when it comes to casual conversation.

Even the eternally neutral topic of the weather can let you down. Small talk in Singapore only occasionally references it， as the equator doesn't offer much diversity， while it's almost a de rigueur conversation-starter in the changeable climates of the U.S. and Europe. Understanding the local varieties and nuances of small talk will make adapting to life in another country smoother， but it can be a challenge to shake the conversational parameters one was raised with.

The British， Irish and Australians have a history of laughing at themselves and teasing others， even in “serious” business scenarios， which can be startling for cultures who value “saving face.” In the U.S.， chatty sales people are viewed as slippery; Americans appreciate a clear demarcation between casual conversation and shop talk， that moment when we “get down to business”separates from us enjoying each other's company. However， my potential clients in Singapore would be disconcerted if I implemented such an obvious tone shift; I would appear to be sweeping our budding friendship off the table to make room for money. In Chinese culture， nonbusiness talk is integral. Without it， the growth of a business relationship can be sluggish regardless of the efficacy of the collaboration. Several corporate dinners can go by before business particulars are even mentioned.

At its core， small talk is about meeting new people and planting the seed for new relationships. The challenge is to recognize when an acquaintance or colleague has become a friend. The topics you discuss with that person may be intensely personal for you but everyday conversation fodder for them.

闲聊真叫人左右为难：它必不可少，却又得很随意。它是一种浅尝辄止的交流，或许能又或许不能一发而不可收，带往深交。过于肤浅则无所触动，过于深入则谈话因尴尬和失当而终结。可是，随意的闲聊和正经的谈话之间界限在哪里？

旅居国外，闲聊之术必须从头再来，你还得重新了解哪些话题和评论适合于闲谈、哪些适合于交心。闲聊可不是平白无故被称作是门艺术的。

例如在美国，直接询问一个新结交的友人此物价值几何会让对方如芒刺在背（除非你先行致歉，以遍寻此物而不得为名）。在爱尔兰、英国和日本，我怀疑即便这样的理由都不足以消除尴尬。但在中国、新加坡以及华人数量众多的其他东南亚国家，谈钱是不会带来同样的难为情的。上一句刚聊过你所居住的街区，下一句很自然地就问到租金是多少。对于这个问题，我还是没法大度地回答。

另一方面，虽然政治在美国被认为是一个暗藏风险的话题，但谈论甚至批评政府的所作所为完全不会像新加坡人或中国人那样感到不自在。不过据我所知，无论走到哪里，性无疑仍是闲聊中的一个禁忌话题。

即使是天气这种永远中性的话题也会让你失望。在新加坡，闲聊很少提及天气，因为赤道地区不会有多少风云突变，而在美国和欧洲这些气候多变的地方，它几乎是一个礼节性的开场白。了解当地的闲聊花样和微妙之处将使适应异国生活更加顺畅，但改变从小到大习惯了的交谈话题可能是个挑战。

英国人、爱尔兰人和澳大利亚人素有自嘲和揶揄的处世之道，即使是在“严肃”的商务场景下，但这种事对于那些看重“面子”的文化群落来说可能很是困扰。在美国，爱聊天的推销员被看作是很圆滑；美国人更喜在闲聊和谈正事之间划分清楚的界限。一旦开始“谈正事”，我们就不再享受彼此的陪伴。但是，如果我的语调发生如此明显的改变，我的新加坡客户就会感到不安；我似乎是为了谈钱而置我们刚刚萌芽的友谊于不顾。在中国文化，无关生意的闲聊是不可或缺的。没有它，业务关系的发展就会举步维艰，无论合作的效果如何。双方也许会数度推杯换盏却还提都没提到生意细节。

在本质上，闲聊是为了结识新人，为培育新关系而播下种子。挑战是要知道熟人或同事在什么时候变成了朋友。你和那个人讨论的话题可能对你来说很私密，但对于他们来说却是日常的谈资。（涂颀译自美国《华尔街日报》网站3月22日文章）

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